It was a lovely birth. She and I both came away totally healthy and happy and intact, nothing went awry at all. I felt loved and cared for. But, for some reason that I can not shake, I didn't come away with a sense of victory like I have in the past. I don't feel strong and I don't remember the "birth high" ever hitting me. This child is an absolute treasure, I just adore her. She's so wonderful and sweet and I am so grateful for her and for our successful homebirth. I can't put my finger on what feels "off" to me. So, I'm going to keep it close to my heart as I remain very grateful.
All that said, the past two and a half weeks have been such a roller coaster. The joy a new baby brings is palpable, I wish I could just hold her and gaze at her all day long. Unfortunately, we live in a world that moves so much faster than that, so I have to steal glances while I teach math and genuinely, actively appreciate snuggles with her all night long.
|I love waking up with this sweet girl every morning.|
|What homeschool looks like postpartum.|
These things will pass, I know, and I'm trying my best to hold on to a life of prayer and gratefulness. I am convinced those two things will be what brings me through this tricky postpartum time.
|I got my pre-pregnancy jeans on yesterday! Yay! I keep dreaming about working out though. I really miss how balanced I felt while I was working out regularly.|
The baby, though. She is wonderful. When she was born, she was 7 lbs 12 oz, which is a pretty medium size for one of my children. They have ranged from the low 7's to the mid-9's, so she seemed pretty little to me. I don't know how much she weighs now, but my midwife is coming this weekend and I am anxious to see how much she has gained because girlfriend is getting chunky!
|LOOK at those cheeks!|
She smiles at me and has the sweetest dark blue eyes. She has long, pretty fingers and sneezes all the time. Her nose looks like mine as a baby. She likes to snuggle a LOT, but prefers it to be with me. She will tolerate other people holding her for a while though, which is good because her sisters are always eager to have her in arms. I love the way she smells and her long eyelashes. Right now she's part-time in cloth diapers and part time in disposables because her little legs are so skinny that the cloth leaks at night. They're getting more meat on them though, so I don't think it will be long. I love wrapping my little baby in soft cloth diapers. She lost her umbilical stump at one week on the dot, which is pretty early for one of my children! Fina went around telling everyone that "Adelaide lost her electrical cord!"
Last week one of my dearest friends offered to take pictures of her in the Texas Bluebonnets. My heart soared at the thought, the wildflowers in Spring are one of my most favorite things, add my beloved Adelaide, and it was a match made in heaven! I got a bunch of them printed to display for her Baptism party next weekend, but I'll share these two for now:
These times are sweet and fleeting. They are difficult and overwhelming. I hope that I never forget them. They are so very human.